Posting Date: August 15, 2002
WebWord Comment -- This is waaaaay offtopic, but that isn't going to stop me. Let's take this opportunity to post some of favorite movie quotes. We all have our favorites, so anyone can play along. If you tie your quote(s) to usability you earn extra points.
I ain't got time to bleed.
- Predator, 1987
PC Load Letter? What the f*** does that mean?
- Office Space, 1999
We're gonna need a bigger boat.
Jaws - Late changes to the user requirements.
Picture a girl who took a nose dive from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Saving Private Ryan - Every other project I am involved in.
Is that all you do Mr. Potts, invent things?
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - Better than "is that all you do, watch people use the internet?"
Jakob: I'll be a lap dog of Satan.
From Dusk Till Dawn
Gosh, I'm doing it. I'm repeating the darn computer!
Galaxy Quest
Computer: Auto-destruct in 15 minutes. There will be no further audio warnings.
Star Trek - First Contact - who came up with the user analysis for that software?
Let me tell you about this guy I know. Jack. Bad seed. Mean. Hurt people
Batman
Bill Gates: There may be a few... similarities.
Pirates of Silicon Valley
My dad always said that there's 24 usable hours in every day.
Empire Records
Brian: Excuse me. Are you the Judean People's Front?
Reg: Fuck off! We're the People's Front of Judea
Life Of Brian - Never call a designer a graphics person
What I want to know is how we're going to stay alive this winter.
Dr Zhivago - After the dotcom crash.
Boy: Fagin, this sausage is moldy!
Fagin: Shut up and drink your gin.
Oliver! - Some users don't know they're born
Hey they forgot to wind the sundial.
Rebel Without A Cause
Well, thats my lunchtime gone.
[Skroob, Helmet, and Sanders reach the cancellation button]
Dark Helmet: Out of order? FUCK! Even in the future, nothing works!
Spaceballs, 1987
Brian Look. You've got it all wrong. You don't Need to follow me. You don't Need to follow anybody. You've got to think for yourselves. You're all individuals.
Crowd YES! WE'RE ALL INDIVIDUALS!
Brian You're all different.
Crowd YES. WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT.
Folowr5 I'm not.
John, here's one on nomenclature - -
Vizzini: HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE!
Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
The Princess Bride
Well, it's not usability, but how about general software managment?
On planning:
If you don't know where you're going,
you're unlikely to end up there.
Forest Gump
On being specific with requests:
Richard Vernon: What was that ruckus?
Andrew Clark: Uh, what ruckus?
Richard Vernon: I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus.
Brian Johnson: Could you describe the ruckus, sir?
The Breakfast Club
On project managment:
This is ridiculous. It's crazy. I feel like I'm babysitting, except I'm not getting paid.
The Goonies
Hmmm, I'll have to start using movie quotes in web presentations. I'd like to see this become a permanent web page, always taking submissions.
"I like to look for things no one else catches."
-Amelie commenting on movies in Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain
"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers." -Randal's view of customer service in Clerks
Customer: "Cute cat. What's its name?"
Randal: "Annoying customer."
*Customer leaves in a huff*
Dante: Can you imagine being halfway decent to the customers at least some of the time?
-Clerks
"And the Lord spoke, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.'" -Operating instructions from a monk in Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Lt. Saavik: "Humor. It is a difficult concept. It is not logical."
Admr. James T. Kirk: "We learn by doing."
-Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Kahn
Admr. James T. Kirk: "You're about to remind me that logic alone dictates your actions?"
Capt. Spock: "I would not remind you of that which you know so well."
-Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Kahn
"Even with all this accumulated knowledge, when will these dummies learn to use a doorknob?" Lex Luthor commenting on Zod's tendency to break open buildings rather than use doors, in Superman II.
Buckaroo Banzai: "It flies like a truck."
John Parker: "Good. What is a truck?"
-Learning to fly a thermal pod in The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
Gone with the wind "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!" - my response to those people that refuse to listen to user experience arguments for not doing certain things a certain way.
I love that Princess Bride quote, too.
Why I get crap jobs:
"Well this whole thing is just who knows who and over here you have favoritism."
Raising Arizona
What happens when all else fails:
"This is my BOOM STICK!"
Bruce Campbell vs. Army of Darkness
Most days:
"I feel like I'm taking CRAZY pills!"
Zoolander
My response to last minute changes:
"Fuck you, replacement friend!"
Saving Silverman
(I only watched it for Jack Black)
One of those "plan coming together" moments:
"And All of a Sudden Someone Says 'Plate' or 'Shrimp' or 'Plate of Shrimp.'"
Repo Man
Making concessions:
"Okay, but I get to be on top"
Big
Ethics getting in the way of paycheck:
"No reward is worth this!"
Star Wars
Corporations trying to take over the Web:
"The Matrix (AOL) is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth."
- The Matrix
On having to remember hundreds of username/password combos:
Woodstock: What's the password?
Ace Ventura: New England clam chowder.
Woodstock: Is that the red or the white?
Ace Ventura: Ah, I can never remember that. White.
[Door opens]
Ace Ventura: Yes!
- Ace Ventura, Pet Detective
On writing technical documents:
Minister of Finance: Here is the Treasury Department's report, sir. I hope you'll find it clear.
Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho): Clear? Huh! Why a four-year-old child could understand this report!
[to Bob Roland (Zeppo)]
Rufus T. Firefly: Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can't make head or tail of it.
Duck Soup
"I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be like, 'Hey, you get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!'"
--Eric Cartman, South Park
"No, you suck."
--mean people
"If meat's bad for you, then why is it food?"
--Butt-Head
"I always get the feeling that when lesbians look at me, they're thinking, 'That's why I'm not a heterosexual.'"
--George Costanza, Seinfeld
Why usability folks are "special":
"We're On A Mission From God."
-- Elwood, Blues Brothers
Creative recruiting of test participants:
JAKE: How much for the little girl? The women, how much for the women?
RESTAURANT PATRON: What?
JAKE: Your women, I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters. Sell them to me. Sell me your childrens!
-- Blues Brothers
A developer explaining why their current design sucks
"I ran out of gas! I had a flat tire! I didn't have enough money for cab fare! My tux didn't come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!"
-- Jake, Blues Brothers
An expert review conversation where the reviewer gets dazzled by technology:
ELWOOD: You don't like it?
JAKE: No I don't like it.
(Elwood floors it and jumps over an open drawbridge)
JAKE: Of course it's got a lot of pickup.
ELWOOD: It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Blues Mobile or what?
(Jake after lighting a cigarette)
JAKE: Fix the cigarette lighter.
-- Blues Brothers
When trying to bring up something "live" from the network during a big presentation:
Our lady of blessed acceleration don't fail me now.
-- Elwood, Blues Brothers
Talking to "motorhead" developers
Jake: What the hell do you want me to do motorhead?
Elwood: Well try not to be so negative all the time, why don't you offer some constructive criticism.
You think constantly looping animations are annoying?
Elwood: Well, it ain't much, but it's home.
Jake: How often does the train go by?
Elwood: So often you won't even notice it.
But you told me the UI looked "pretty good"...
What was I gonna do? Take away your only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you.
-- Elwood, Blues Brothers
Presenting usability testing results
This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who.
-- King of Swamp Castle, Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Why it's good to iterate designs
When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. And that one sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, and then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Son, the strongest castle in all of England.
-- King of Swamp Castle, Monty Python and the Holy Grail
One good project leads to another
Dingo: You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like... and then... spank me!
All: And me! And me too! And me!
Dingo: Yes! Yes, you must give us all a good spanking!
-- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Give a man enough online help and he'll hang himself
Airplane
Person 1: "Surely you can't be serious"
Plane Doc: "I am serious ... and stop calling me Shirley"
Anything from a Zucker, Zucker, Abrahams film is a big winner IMHO.
Top Secret, Airplane etc etc
(From Labyrinth)
ROCKFACE: DON'T GO ON.
ROCKFACE: GO BACK WHILE YOU STILL CAN.
ROCKFACE: THIS IS NOT THE WAY.
ROCKFACE: TAKE HEED, AND GO NO FURTHER.
ROCKFACE: BEWARE!
ROCKFACE: BEWARE!
ROCKFACE: SOON IT WILL BE TOO LATE.
(Labyrinth - On navigation)
HOGGLE: YOUR MAJESTY! WHAT A NICE SURPRISE!
JARETH: HELLO, HEDGEWART.
SARAH: HOGWART.
HOGGLE: HOGGLE.
JARETH: HOGGLE, ARE YOU HELPING THIS GIRL?
HOGGLE: H-H-HELPING?.. IN WHAT SENSE?
JARETH: IN THE SENSE OF LEADING HER TOWARDS THE CASTLE.
HOGGLE: I WAS TAKING HER BACK TO THE BEGINNING.
SARAH: WHAT?
HOGGLE: I TOLD HER I WOULD HELP HER. A LITTLE TRICKERY ON MY PART...
(Labyrinth - on navigation)
SARAH: OH, NO.
SARAH: SOMEONE HAS BEEN CHANGING MY MARKS.
SARAH: WHAT A HORRIBLE PLACE! IT'S NOT FAIR!
JIM: THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S NOT FAIR.
GUARDS: HA HA HA HA!
JIM: THAT'S ONLY HALF OF IT.
SARAH: THIS WAS A DEAD END A MINUTE AGO.
TIM: NO, THAT'S THE DEAD END BEHIND YOU.
GUARDS: HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
SARAH: IT KEEPS CHANGING!
SARAH: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
JIM: TRY ONE OF THESE DOORS.
TIM: ONE OF THEM LEADS TO THE CASTLE,
TIM: AND THE OTHER ONE LEADS TO--
RALPH: BA BA BA BUM!
TIM: CERTAIN DEATH!
GUARDS: OOH! OOH!
SARAH: WHICH ONE IS WHICH?
JIM: WE CAN'T TELL YOU.
SARAH: WHY NOT?
JIM: UH... I, UH...
JIM: WE DON'T KNOW.
My three favorite movie quotes, all of which have some usability applications, if you know the context of the movie:
From "Some Like it Hot": "Nobody's perfect"
From "The Great Race": "Push the button, Max!"
From "Labyrinth":
Sarah: "That's NOT FAIR!"
King of the Goblins: "I wonder what your standard of comparison is!"
Randal: You can't rent here anymore!
Jay: YEAH!
From Time Bandits:
EVIL: When I have the map, I will be free, and the world will be different, because I have understanding.
ROBERT: Understanding of what, master?
EVIL: Digital watches. And soon I will have understanding of videocassette recorders and car telephones. And when I have understanding of them, I shall have understanding of computers. And when I have understanding of computers, I shall be the Supreme Being!
'Where'd who go?'
- Top Gun
On website conversion rates
Marlon Brando in The Wild One.
Girl - "What are you rebelling against?"
Brando - "Whadayah got?"
Sorry, can't see a link to usability, but I like it.
"Come now or you will be late."
"Late", said Arthur, "what for?"
"What is you name, human?"
"Well, Dent, Arthur Dent."
"Late, as in the late Dent, Arthur Dent", said the old man sternly. "It's a sort of threat, you see. I've never been very good at them myself but I'm told they can be very effective."